Wednesday, 25 September 2013

It really isn't my fault!

So much has happened and I have had so little time to document our experiences over the summer and our return to school. Some have been great, some less so but I do intend to blog about them sometime soon. I have just been making a cup of tea whilst Isaac is in the bath and his amazing sister is sat at the side using her gargantuan imagination to keep him absorbed in a game. My thoughts were lazily examining why I felt more positive about things than I had done in quite a while. Things are far from peachy, I have had two days of absolute school refusal, days when I have had to physically remove him and carry him into school after spending ages trying to empower him to make the right choice. I have the constant imput required to get through any simple activity, so why do I feel more positive??? I have concluded that it is because SCHOOL DONT BLAME ME FOR HIS BEHAVIOUR!!!! As simple as that ! They see he actually has a disability and try to tackle it , they don't think it is my fault! There have been many well meaning professionals that we have encountered along the way who totally just have no idea about what they are advising about. We have had some corkers come from some "professionals". When Isaac was 3 and really not managing a few hours of play group we where advised that omega 3 would resolve all our problems. In year 1 of primary school the head asked me not to put jelly in his pack up as this should then sort out his problems!! I have been on 3 parenting courses and have concluded " you cannot sticker chart autism out of the child"! My eldest has aspergers but despite the odd blip, does very well, my daughter, the middle child is an amazingly polite, intelligent, empathetic child. This leads me to wonder why do outsiders think I have chosen to screw up up one child? The answer is..... It's not my fault!! He has a disability that has not even been diagnosed properly yet. I know what he is and what he has, I am just waiting for the professionals to get him up their waiting list high enough to actually see him, then to spend time seeing who he is. In a recent school review, (after he had tried to climb out of an upstairs window that morning), it was summerised that "he didn't trust adults". No shit Sherlock..... He has been let down so badly why the hell should he. So in this tiny special school, they don't blame me. They are going out of their way to build his trust and earn his cooperation. They don't think I can tell him to behave and he will. It is a rollercoaster but the good times are outweighing the bad and progress is being made. We are a million miles from perfect, but acceptance of the child as he is, is the building block to the future. It's not my fault, it's not my parenting, he has disabilities.

1 comment:

  1. And more than really isn't his fault either. Think of your relief and positivity being (somewhat) restored over the lack of blame coming your way. You, as an intelligent, adult neuro-typical, who knows that on every level. Now think what that must mean to Isaac, as a child, with PDA and altered perceptions? Acceptance and understanding are the key to unlocking a child trapped in a negative spiral of ignorance. This is precisely why I say we need help that's helpful and support that's supportive. Blame NEVER features in genuine help and support. Onwards and upwards. Your child is finally on the path to recovery and developmental progress! (y) xx