Sunday, 23 June 2013

How will we survive the summer holidays?

It's four weeks to the summer holidays and my feelings of dread are mounting. I hear parents complaining about this, but then I see their children playing out in our village streets and green areas from dawn till dusk, on bikes playing foot ball, having a childhood.
My son is at home.
I can't let him out. 
He isn't safe.
Isaac is now 8 3/4, and he can not go out of my sight. We have tried as he has grown letting him to the green 1 house away from ours, we have tried letting him cycle up the street with his sister, every episode ends with an issue. He has stolen, damaged property and hurt people. All children of his age around us all go to the school he used to go to. Some of them enjoy Isaac's company but when Isaac meets up with them he has a lot of anxiety sound the fact he now goes to a "different" school and struggles to integrate. Often the children are in groups and he can't cope with that so often gets aggressive. If he does manage to play for a bit the children usually then end up going out of Isaac's very small boundaries and he can't follow that results in a very cross and upset boy.
Last time he went biking up the road with his sister there was an incident when he stopped to see some children he knew, he stopped his bike in the middle of their football game and they told him to move. This situation deteriorated into shouting and Isaac responding with swearing and picking up a stick. A dad then got involved and told Isaac he was filming him to show the police, well you can imagine his response! My brave 11 year old daughter stood between this man and Isaac to try and help him, she later said she wanted to get me but she daren't leave Isaac. This was just feet away from our house. The first I knew was when the two children flew through the door with a shouting man at their heels. 
He does have a couple of friends but they come to our house. He still has his best friend from school but he is not close enough to see on a regular basis. He is a child who is an absolute gift. He genuinely loves Isaac as a friend. He has empathy and acceptance way beyond his years but he seems to like Isaacs truly entertaining nature. The other is a neighbour who is a few years older but has an amazing affinity with Isaac. The spend hours drop kicking each other on the trampoline but when Isaac oversteps the mark this boy lets him know and Isaac values this friendship so highly he is one of only a very few sources Isaac will actually accept direction from. 
So I have to keep him in the boundaries of the garden whilst his peers run up and down the street until sun down. 
He is nearly 9, how long can I keep this up? I do my best to take him out and keep him entertained but I also have two other children and they need time at home to go out and socialise with their friends. 
We do not live in a prison, it only takes a few seconds for him to be out of the door or over the gate. A few weeks ago I visited the local police station with Isaac so when this happens everyone is aware and knows what to do.
I feel so sad, I spent my whole childhood outside with friends. He wants to go but I can't let him.
How will I manage him when he is 12, or 14 or 16?
What happens when he is an adult?
I am scared.

3 comments:

  1. Oh that must so so hard to have to deal with. I've no advice I'm afraid but my heart goes out to you and your lovely little boy. xx

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  2. So hard, especially if you're somewhere where it is safe to 'play out'. Have you connected with Steph who blogs here http://stephstwogirls.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/pathological-demand-avoidance-mind-map.html - her daughter has PDA too and Steph is just lovely. I hope that you may find some solidarity with her.

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    1. Thanks Jenny, I'm here! Was going to say that I think you're doing the right thing, and that although you're wishing for a childhood outside like most of us 'older' ones had, it's probably more the case nowadays that children have 'at home' lives and don't play out on the street. So he's not missing out on much at all I'd guess, and you are doing your best to keep him happy where he is safe. I know it makes us sad at times, but you should always take comfort in the fact you are doing your best x

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